It’s mostly about the end of my marriage, and the frailty I felt around myself afterward. I keep spiraling close to healing and then closer to wanting to disappear from the earth more than ever. I find myself climbing back into the person I am, rediscovering what makes me - me. I go through waves of feeling content and perfectly fine, and then wanting to rot away and be forgotten. If I can do that then there is more impact on anyone and no one can have any impact on me.
There are the walls of protection - no one gets in but I can’t get out. I coupled this with some writing I did at what felt like the edge world - A Volcano next to a crumbling 500-year-old Portuguese fort in the Azores facing the sea. The fortresses we build to save us from intruders physically and mentally - decay, they crumble. The pain still gets in and the protections fail. Always.
Another part of this is just how exhausted I am with the “healing” process. I don’t want to do it anymore. I should be done, but the panic still sets in and I make decisions based solely on fear. Try to self-medicate, try to meditate, try to talk it out, each fixes the symptoms momentarily but the fact of the matter is everything still hurts. There are conflicting statements in this song because they are all true moments of self-talk - I Can’t Change, I am broken, timeless, worthless, perfect. There’s no end to this, but it does get easier….I hope
lyrics
Thawing out my frozen heart
Giving up is always the hardest part
Tracing out the faded scars
One last breath - as I fall apart
Day after day, I still can't find my way
Just a bottomless hole of never-ending pain
Try to hold it all in but I can't contain
I can’t change
I've lost fiber of connection
Joy nor sorrow can hold my attention
As much as I try something is missing
I am Broken
Never mourned the piece that died
Adrift, Wretched lost in the tide
I can't get back to what I once was
I am timeless
Burning, yearning to fade away
Forget me, let me rot and decay
“Do the work” I’m tired, it hurts
Wall myself off from all the lessons I’ve learned
No one gets in but I can't get out
I am Worthless
Locked inside my crumbling hope
Self-sabotaged, drowned, and choked
I don't need you or want you at all
I am perfect
Monuments to moments, fortresses that hold them
The facade is breaking apart, crumbling core, violent start
No more purpose, no more pain, it’s just too exhausting to try to explain
no more past, no more home, just leave me alone
Burning, yearning to fade away
Forget me, let me, rot and decay
credits
released September 15, 2022
Engineered and Mixed by Pete Grossmann at Bricktop Recording in Chicago
Mastered by Brad Boatright at Audiosiege
Artwork by Chris Lopinto
one of the most underrated mathcore/metalcore bands of all time. so great to see that this band's music isn't lost to time. FASSW forever! n. charlene excelsia
Amazing songs,KSE lyrics helps me a lot,i lost my father recently(2020).
The time where i was really close with him was in summer 2007 and i listened a lot to ADD Album at the time.
So hearing KSE always reminds me of him,r.i.p.
Jesse leach is an amazing vocalist and lyricist,howard too. love 'em both.
Adam is a genius period.
Mike's an amazing drawer/artist and bass player.
Joel and justin are rythm legends,scott (old drummer i think)was a beast too.
God bless you KSE cheers from France thejusticemetalsword
Quite possibly the most full-on album I've ever listened to. Intense, and then some. 'Digital Tarpit' could describe both the track and the whole album: high-pitched guitar squeals that make your fillings itch coupled with merciless, suffocating heaviness. The Avenell-esque vocals top it off perfectly.
Brilliant - punishing, but brilliant. jim_fuego
Fusing ’90s metalcore, ’00s vaporwave, and ’20s cybergrind, the Texans' debut showcases an unprecedented unholy trinity. Bandcamp New & Notable May 17, 2023